It was announced last week that Dane Cook (I don’t get it either) has organised a charity live reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High in support of Sean Penn’s CORE, a COVID-19 relief program, and the prison REFORM Alliance, and sponsored by Snack Pop. It was previously confirmed that Julia Roberts, Morgan Freeman, Henry Golding, Shia LaBeouf, Matthew McConaughey, and Jennifer Aniston had joined the upcoming performance, scheduled for this coming Friday. Yesterday Brad Pitt joined the cast. Which of course resulted in all kinds of excitement over BRAD AND JEN REUNITING!

 

They already, sort of, reunited at the SAG Awards earlier this year and broke the gossip internet when they greeted each other warmly for the cameras:

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston attend the 26th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards at The Shrine Auditorium on January 19, 2020 in Los Angeles, California

They could reunite again in some form at the EMMYs because both are nominated. And now they’ll be on a Zoom call together for this charity reading. Here’s what Maria wants to Gossip Genie: what if they’re Zooming from the same location?!? 

 

I mean, I guess that’ll be one of the reasons to watch the stream on Friday – if that’s how you plan to spend your Friday night. It’s happening at 8pm ET/5pm PT. I usually enjoy a gummy on a Friday night so Fast Times might be just the thing. 

But who will they play? Character pairings have so far not been announced because that’s part of the draw of tuning in. Probably what would give all gossips the biggest boner would be if Brad played “Brad” (Judge Reinhold in the original) and Jen played “Linda” (Phoebe Cates’s character). Basically we’re all here for the pool scene when “Brad” fantasises about “Linda” in her red bikini and then goes for a wank. Like, for me personally, I’d love it if Julia Roberts were to play “Linda” specifically because she’s Julia and would never but for the gossip in the situation, yeah sure, I get why Brad and Jen might be the most titillating combination for that scene. And Julia, who has always been like a sister to Brad Pitt, would work well as Stacy…although the minute we talk about Stacy, it all gets to be a little uncomfortable. 

Remember, Stacy is 15 when we meet her. And then she goes out with a dude in his 20s, like deep in his 20s, I don’t remember that guy’s name, and she has sex for the first time with him. Fast Times came out when I was nine and I think I saw it maybe a year, a year and a half later and as young as I was, I knew when I was watching it that it was deeply troubling, that it was wrong. I’ve not seen it in a while so I’d like to go back for a rewatch because I feel like credit for that should be given to director Amy Heckerling. Because even though that situation is obviously disturbing through a 2020 lens, back in the 80s, I don’t know that in general people were as publicly conscious about the normalisation of the exploitation of teen girls as we are now. I want to say, from memory, that Amy Heckerling was telling us that with that part of the story. If you remember differently, let me know. 

 

What I do know for sure, however, is that the way she handled the abortion scene, so matter-of-factly, without making it A Thing, was 100% intentional. While she may have been interrogating the normalising of teen sexual exploitation, she was encouraging the normalisation of women’s reproductive rights. 

As for who else is playing which character, we already know that Sean Penn will not be “Spicoli”. I think Shia LaBeouf will be “Spicoli” and Sean will end up being “Mr Hand”. Come on. It’s all teed up for him to be “Mr Hand”. I know Morgan Freeman, as the elder statesman in the group, might be the obvious “Mr Hand” but Sean Penn as “Mr Hand” as the full circle moment, non? 

That leaves Henry Golding as Mark? And if Brad is “Brad”, then Matthew McConaughey is “Damone”? 

Is anyone under 35 going to be watching this?! 

And one more thing: guess what movie is premiering on Disney+ on Friday? The One and Only Ivan…starring… Angelina Jolie. And Brad and Jen just happen to be “reuniting” for this virtual table read on Friday. 

The timing though, non? 

Always the timing. After all these years, The Triangle timing always comes through.