Smutty Social Media, July 20, 2018

Did Jenny Slate recently cut her hair? It seems short, a lot shorter than usual, right? That can’t just be because it’s wet. But besides the hair, I’m really focused on her nails. The French tip. I would not expect a French tip from Jenny, so I went through some of her old posts and she’s done a dark polish, a nude polish and, more often than not, no polish. How do you go from that to French tips?

Do we even need to talk about the adorableness of baby Pinkman, because I think it’s quite obvious. Those cheeks!

David Beckham is in Los Angeles with at least two of the boys (and apparently, he’s starting to dress like Justin Bieber). Do you think he was waiting until after the World Cup for a haircut (for superstitious reasons), or does he just really like the barber he goes to in LA?

E! has a story up about the descent of Johnny Depp – not the typical kind of story for a celebrity-friendly entertainment network. I’ve been thinking about Johnny’s timeline in a much more shallow way. Mainly, when did Johnny lose his hotness? He was, for a long time, undeniably beautiful. It’s not age that has changed the way we see him (Brad, George and Leo are in their 40s and 50s and still considered the gold standard for men) but there was a change with Johnny, even before we knew about his issues. 21 Jump Street (the movie) was on the other night; it came out in 2012, so it was filmed in 2011. Johnny and Vanessa would have been at the end, or very near to it. In his cameo, he looks decent. He still has definition in his cheeks; older, sure, but the face is still there. So I have a theory: part of the reason Johnny’s face (as we know it) started to really change around that time is because he stopped using Vanessa’s magic serums and French pharmacy products that beauty bloggers are always writing about. That, and the $30,000 a month or whatever on wine.

Why are people still so scandalized by Gwyneth Paltrow doing acupuncture? She’s talked about it for years (remember the cupping photos?) and acupuncture is pretty mainstream now. I’ve had an acupuncture facial, but it was a long time ago. I was too young to know that I didn’t need it yet. I would certainly try it again.

Have you read Derek Blasberg’s interview with Katy Perry in Vogue Australia? It’s not great. But they both think it’s a great interview and that’s part of the problem. They are trying to be clever and deep, but Derek’s quips, text message quotes, and focus on Katy’s spirituality (there’s an emphasis on how she met Pope Francis) fall flat. It’s not analytical enough to be a substantive celebrity interview, but it’s not intimate enough to read as a conversation between friends. A lot of Derek’s points don’t make sense, like the assertion that she’s been press-shy with her relationships since her marriage dissolved on camera during Part of Me. She and John Mayer did portraits for Vanity Fair years after that. There’s a difference between crafting a narrative and outright ignoring some good gossip history. 

Is there any doubt that through all of Liam’s whinging and bravado, all he’s ever really wanted is his brother back? He just expresses it through insults.