Maria’s off for a couple of weeks so I’m the lead on Celebrity Social Media, which means… as much Beyoncé content as I can find. Just kidding. But am I? I posted in the open about the Being Beyoncé’s assistant “choose your own adventure” Twitter thread. I wonder if the person who invented it has a job at Parkwood now. Chrissy Teigen couldn’t get a job at Parkwood. Neither could Chrissy Teigen’s assistant. I don’t blame Chrissy’s assistant though. She’s used to working for Chrissy, she doesn’t know the requirements of Beyoncé. Chrissy should though! She’s spent time with Beyoncé! You don’t think Chrissy knows about the NDAs? 

Maria’s going to be mad she missed out on this. You know where I’m going with it, and she would want me to. Karlie Kloss and Joshua Kushner got married again this weekend in Wyoming and there she is, the social puppet-mistress herself, Wendi Deng, tucked into the group photo. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher were there too, and also Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom. No sign of Taylor Swift. So… Taylor and Katy are friends again but Taylor and Karlie don’t seem to be as close as they used to be, right? Is that a fair read of the situation? I wonder how the #Kaylor believers are dealing with this. 


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Rihanna’s launching fashion houses, continues to impress with her makeup line, models her lingerie on size-inclusive mannequins, goes day-drinking with Seth Meyers, honours the legend Mary J Blige, and is the richest woman in music, on her way to becoming a billionaire herself, eventually – and still finds time to troll Donald Trump. We stan an indefatigable queen. 


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What Maria also does often in this space – assess celebrity birthday messages. This time it’s Reese Witherspoon wishing Mindy Kaling a Happy Birthday. I don’t think this one should be graded higher than a C, if that. It’s not the best shot of Mindy, she’s doing a weird thing with her mouth. 


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What did I tell you last week about The Lion King and Beyoncé and how the other actors involved in the movie will have to talk about Beyoncé while they’re promoting the movie? Seth Rogen is doing it already. 


Social media captions are hard. Did you know that some people make as much as $1,000 a day writing Instagram captions


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