“Screw turkey. Turkey sucks. Turkey is gross! I do two whole roasted chickens because chicken is so much better and you can still get a great gravy out of it. I just really feel like people feel like they’re forced to eat turkey, and nobody really enjoys it. Surprise everyone. Serve them chicken, and they’ll be much happier.”
I love Chrissy Teigen a lot and often. But I think I love her the most for this. Turkey does indeed suck. TURKEY IS THE WORST. And I have said this before. I say it probably every year and someone comes to yell at me preaching the virtues of turkey, about how with the right recipe turkey is totally great. Wrong. With the right recipe, turkey is bearable. Tolerable. Passable. Nobody gets excited over “tolerable”. Why are we giving a gold star to a tolerable turkey?
This is why sides are so important at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Because the sides have to make up for the bullsh-t that is turkey. Yesterday Vox reposted their Definitive Ranking of Thanksgiving Sides. Mashed potatoes came out on top, obviously. What is this sweet potato pie nonsense? And it comes with marshmallows on top? This is f-cksh-t, straight up.
You know what else is some f-cksh-t? The Great Brussels Sprouts Debate of 2017. Did you hear about this? The NY Times put up a recipe for Brussels sprouts sliders and people were injured. I think maybe they were offended because they were thinking that Brussels sprouts were intended in this case to replace the burger, which would indeed be a heinous act against humanity. But given the timing of all of it, I feel like the recipe was a suggestion for a Thanksgiving appetiser and/or side.
I love Brussels sprouts. As my friend Jess Allen said on The Social yesterday, Brussels sprouts are the food of adulthood. You’re too stupid to appreciate them as a child and/or adolescent. Once you are grown, you grow into your Brussels sprouts. And let me tell you, as a lifelong unapologetic meatlover? I would rather eat a Brussels sprout slider than a piece of turkey.