When Lainey and I were texting about me writing this story, I said I would do it in the voice of Lady Whistledown but honestly, who has time for this sh-t? And I truly mean “sh-t”!
About three weeks ago, I received a letter from a dearest gentle reader that there is a rumour flying around NYC that, and I don’t know how to put this delicately, Derek Blasberg allegedly shat all over Gwyneth Paltrow’s Montecito guest house.
At first, I kind of chuckled because this is pretty low-level and petty gossip. I dog on Derek Blasberg all the time but, as the children’s book goes, everybody poops. If you can’t get diarrhea in your friend’s guest house, where can you get diarrhea?!! Is nothing sacred anymore? This is friendship! Like if I have a friend staying in my guest house (I don’t have a guest house but let’s just IMAGINE OK) and they shat the bed like Kendall on Succession I would just throw out the sheets and move on with my day. I mean, beyond medical concern (hopefully this is just a simple case of rumbly tummy), this is something that happens and you either laugh hysterically about or never, ever mention again. We live in a society!
This rumour traveled from text to email and now it’s all over social media, people are fully tweeting about it and there is no way that Derek isn’t aware—people are leaving comments and emojis on his social media, which seems a little sh-tty (pun absolutely intended).
And while I think this nugget of gossip is overall fairly harmless, does it past the sniff test? (That is toooo far, maybe.) Think about this: GP prides herself on her social circle, on her connections, on her grace and on her superiority. While I think she’s a level 10 gossip, I don’t know if she’s running around telling anyone who will listen that Derek Blasberg ruined her Frette sheets.
Even if it is true (and really, is diarrhea out of the realm of possibility for anyone?), I just don’t know if GP views Derek Blasberg as so lowly and disposable as to run out and tell everyone. He does stay in her guest house and they do hang out with some frequency. I just don’t know if she would set out to embarrass one of her own, you know? Unless, of course, she doesn’t consider Derek one of her own. If so, that is the gossip. And the way it plays out will reveal the poopy truth.
As we head into the Fourth of July weekend (yes it’s a Thursday, but this will be a whole weekend), what is the play here for DB? He and GP have for sure discussed it over text or more and talked about how ridiculous this is. I think the only way forward is through the sh-tstorm – a photo from inside the bathroom of GP’s Hamptons house this weekend. Go live from her powder room and shut this sh-t down.
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