Olympians at the ESPYs

The ESPY Awards, the most prestigious participation trophy in the world, were last night, bringing out superstar athletes across many disciplines and countries, but most especially Olympic standouts, gold medalists Simone Biles, Alysa Liu, and Eileen Gu.

I’m going to start with Eileen Gu, because she wore Guo Pei, who designed Rihanna’s iconic golden omelet Met Gala cloak, and Guo Pei is one of those designers I wish we saw more of in the west. Her designs are sumptuous and theatrical, and Eileen Gu opted for a shimmery, floral gown with gold tones.

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This actually feels constrained for Guo Pei, but the fabric is doing a lot. I love a gold medalist in gold. Is it theme dressing if you’re an Olympic gold medalist to wear gold? I’ll never begrudge it, if so. Olympians make such huge sacrifices to achieve everything they do, I feel like they should get a Purge-style crime spree post-Olympics just to make up for all the restraint and sacrifice it takes to get to the podium. Just let them do crimes for twenty-four hours and blow off steam.

Also in gold was Simone Biles, accompanied by her husband, football player Jonathan Owens.

Biles got a lot of smoke last year for getting breast implants, but again, Olympians, sacrifices, Purge-style free pass. Also, let’s not pretend like we’re not aware of what gymnastics can do to a girl’s body, in re: delayed puberty etc. I’m not being flippant, I think we should seriously consider there might be a lot of layers to Biles wanting such an enhancement, and she is not obligated to explain all of it to us. We should just give her the Olympic Purge Pass and let it go.

Finally, a gold medalist who did not opt for gold, Alysa Liu. She wore backless Louis Vuitton, for whom she became a brand ambassador earlier this year.

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She won Breakthrough Athlete of the Year, and I feel subtly shaded this distinction by pointing out that she’s been in her sport since she was five years old. But she also acknowledged that her comeback after a two-year hiatus is its own kind of breakthrough. She also has an Olympic Purge Pass and can do whatever she wants.