Dakota Johnson’s birthday was yesterday. She celebrated in New York, hosting Saturday Night Live, and also topping the box office with Verity. And last night there was a party.

Let’s start with SNL and the predictable Taylor Swift cameo but the unpredictable monologue, during which Dakota put her own gossip on blast. She didn’t name her exes but everyone paying attention would know that she’s referring to Chris Martin and Tucker Pillsbury aka Role Model. And then Taylor, her therapist comes out, and … I think she confirms that she’s dating Machine Gun Kelly?

If you’re looking for a complaint about Dakota fueling rumours through her appearance on Saturday Night Live in order to promote her movie, it’s not going to be me. I like that she was willing to go there and I also like her in a few of these sketches that play to her strengths – she can do an intentionally lifeless line delivery and also convincingly be hilariously oblivious, but also has a bitch streak which came in handy when she told Ellen DeGeneres about herself on Ellen’s talk show and, again, that was good for gossip too. So, yes, she was perfect as the “mean, scary girlfriend” because this is the person who read Ellen for filth.

Also, a rare sight, Dakota showed forehead in one of the sketches and I can’t remember the last time I saw it.

As for her birthday dinner, it was at Via Carota last night and Jennifer Lawrence showed up with her husband Cooke Maroney. This friendship has always amused me, because of the Chris Martin connection, obviously, since they both used to f-ck him but it’s imagining the way these two in particular might talk about f-cking him that makes it way more fun beyond having an ex in common. Both Dakota and JLaw are world class gossips, filthy sh-t talkers, basically the best kind. I’m desperate for the recording of what happens when the two of them are together. In my script they’re dumping on Gwyneth Paltrow.

Dakota Johnson has dinner in NYC for her birthday with Jennifer Lawrence and Cooke Maroney, October 4, 2026

Photo credits: ASPN/Backgrid

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