DISCLAIMER: Chris Pine is probably not the father of Mindy Kaling’s baby. Mindy Kaling has not announced that she is having a baby with The Best Chris. Once more for the people in the back, there has been no confirmation from either of their camps that Chris and Mindy have procreated. However, since we don’t know for sure that Chris Pine is not the father, a girl can dream.
It’s a chilly night in New Zealand. The incomparable Ava Duvernay has just called wrap on the final scene of A Wrinkle in Time, a scene which may or may not include co-stars Chris Pine and Mindy Kaling. Chris and Mindy fought the sexual tension for weeks. Mindy wanted to focus on bringing the iconic Mrs. Who to life and Chris, being one of four (or more) white dudes named Chris in Hollywood, rightly assumed that Mindy was out of his league. But when the tension became unbearable, they reluctantly/ finally/ passionately gave in to temptation on a windy, perfect winter afternoon. The affair lasted for the rest of filming in New Zealand, as the co-stars would sneak off to Chris’s trailer any chance they could. On this last day of shooting, with the beautiful backdrop of the Southern Alps, Mindy makes up an excuse to her girls Oprah and Reese Witherspoon (they are also in the scene, probably, and she hates lying to them) and separates from the group. She pulls Chris aside.
CHRIS: Mindy, you know I want to but the entire cast is right over there. I don’t think now is the time for—
MINDY: I’m pregnant.
CHRIS: Well, this is an unexpected surprise. Is it…
M: Yours? Yes, Chris Pine. I, Mindy Kaling, am having your baby.
C: Mindy, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
M: Me too. I got you right when the Internet collectively decided that you are the best Chris. I am so blessed.
C: We should probably wait to share this blessing with the world. We wouldn’t want our wonderful news to overshadow Ava’s masterpiece.
M: You are so considerate.
Mindy and Chris make out.
That is obviously how it went, right? Aside from that factually accurate re-enactment of the events leading up to Mindy’s pregnancy, there is also definitive proof that they were totally doing it.
Can’t you tell that the chemistry is palpable?
In 2012, Mindy essentially predicted that she would be carrying the child of a hot Chris one day.
"I embarrassingly love blond men -- hot pinups like Chris Evans and Chris Pine."
I mean, how much more proof do we need? Why else would Mindy keep the identity of the father such a secret? According to PEOPLE, she’s “not telling anyone, not even close friends, who the father is.” IT IS CHRIS PINE, I’M TELLING YOU. Sorry, BJ Novak.
Before you shoot down my Oscar-worthy dream sequence by saying that A Wrinkle in Time wrapped in February and she would probably be further along by now if that was the timing or whatever, blah blah, LET ME HAVE THIS. I tore my Achilles tendon playing basketball last night and I’m hopped up on pain meds. I need this joy right now. I need my OG Chris crush Chris Pine to be my imaginary bestie Mindy Kaling’s baby daddy. I am willing this sh-t into existence.
(Lainey: Duana and I will be discussing other theories about Mindy’s pregnancy and its work implications – with less narcotic influence – on the next episode of Show Your Work.)