Yesterday I posted about the new issue of PEOPLE Magazine featuring Jennifer Garner. At the time, I noted the story had the feel of an exclusive but that it wasn’t exactly an “official” Jennifer Garner interview. Still, there were “insiders” and “sources” presumably from Jennifer’s camp talking about how she’s not dating yet, how she and Ben Affleck are co-parenting together, and, well, that’s pretty much it. It’s a nothing report, barely worth a mention, and even then only a mention about why a nothing report was getting such big play.

Still, Jen took exception, posting a message to her Facebook page to clarify that she had no part in it:

So now a nothing report, a really nothing story (because let’s face it, if she hadn’t come right out to say she’s not onside with PEOPLE we wouldn’t be talking about this anymore) has become a real story. What is the story then?

Let’s start with the fact that this is not a new story. Here’s Jen on the cover of PEOPLE, July 2015:

Here’s Jen on the cover of PEOPLE just a month later, August 2015 and note the use of the word “heartbreak”, not unlike how “heartbreak” shows up on the cover that’s currently being disputed.

Here’s Jen again on the cover of PEOPLE 6 months after that, February 2016:

It’s the same kind of story, citing “insiders” and “sources” and “friends” offering information about Jen’s life. The only difference is that she didn’t get on to Facebook the next day to disavow any of those previous stories. And all of those previous stories were actually more interesting and more gossipy than the super lame, nothing story that we’re debating right now.

Also remember, when Jen and Ben Affleck first split up? PEOPLE had the exclusive! The statement was given to PEOPLE!

PEOPLE isn’t US Weekly – at least not yet. It hasn’t been purchased by the owners of The National Enquirer and STAR Magazine – at least not yet. In fact, the editorial director of both PEOPLE and Entertainment Weekly is still Jess Cagle who has better access to celebrities than most entertainment magazine editors. So what I’m trying to say is that I have a hard time believing PEOPLE just went rogue. PEOPLE doesn’t work that way. They collaborate with celebrities and their publicists. Their brand has never been to antagonise celebrities and their publicists. They always run sh-t by publicists first. When asked for a comment on Jennifer Garner’s reaction to their story, a PEOPLE spokesperson maintained that the magazine’s story is “fair and truthful”.

So, again, what’s up with Jennifer Garner?

I wonder if she actually read the story. I wonder if what happened was she got some phone calls from some family members and automatically assumed that there was some bullsh-t in the story and pulled up her phone and posted her message to Facebook, maybe without checking with her publicist? Because why else would you turn a forgettable magazine article that would have lasted maybe half a day, not even, into a proper beef that’s everyone’s now talking about it?!?!? Why would you create a buzz about something that no one is even buzzing about?!?!?

Ohhhhhhh….

OHHHHHHH….

Right. “Geez Louise”, now I get it.