Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are engaged. TMZ broke the news yesterday, reporting that the proposal went down on Saturday night in the Bahamas. Justin and Hailey were at a resort salsa dancing (seriously) with other vacationers when Bieber’s security told everyone to put their phones away. 

Then, Justin got down on one knee and proposed. IN PUBLIC. Remember this the next time this man feigns like he doesn't like attention. 

Justin and Hailey have been inseparable for the past month, making out across America after getting back together in June. So, we’re talking about a reconciliation that is less than a month old and just three months after Justin and Selena Gomez broke up AGAIN - allegedly for good this time. It's not shocking that Justin Bieber, at the ripe age of 24, got down on one knee and pledged his life to someone, is it? It's shocking that the "someone" isn't Selena Gomez.

If we're all thinking, do you think Hailey is shocked too? Hold that thought.

A couple weeks ago, Justin pranked the paparazzi by wearing what looked like a wedding band on that finger while holding hands with Hailey in New York. This is what Lainey wrote about Bieber's "prank":

I am, however, surprised that JB has never gotten married, as young and impulsive as he is.

Young, impulsive, rich, SO IN LOVE and on vacation. That's a recipe for disaster, I mean SPONTANEOUS ROMANCE. Justin didn't just drop down to his knee on a whim, intoxicated by the beautiful Bahamas scenery and caught in the moment. He had a ring which to me means that he at least planned to propose before the vacation. 

Here's the best shot of the ring floating around. 

A frozen daiquiri on the rocks? No, just ONE GIANT ROCK please. I'll be here all week.

What 24-year-old proposes to his 21-year-old girlfriend after a mere month-long courtship? Justin Bieber does. See to Justin and Hailey, their situation has been going for years. They found their way back to each other against all odds so now they can handle anything. In a 2016 GQ article (shout out Caity Weaver), Justin inadvertently referred to Hailey as "the girl I'm going to marry." Marriage has been on Justin's mind. This Justin, the stable and dependable one who keeps trying to tell us that his wild days are behind him, is a one-woman man. This is the Justin who frequents church and hangs out with that hot pastor who also married young. Bieber's parents were young when they had him. While it's true that couples are now choosing to wed later in life, it's not true for couples who identify as religious. Christian kids in the midst of an all-encompassing love story. Pledging their undying devotion in front of Jesus is the next natural step. 

JB and HB's parents are apparently ecstatic about the engagement. After TMZ's report on the engagement, which wasn't exactly an official confirmation, Justin's mom and dad posted cryptic messages of love and pride to their son. Hailey's dad Stephen, the least best Baldwin brother, wasn't as subtle.

Compare this now-deleted reaction to the drama Justin and Selena endured with her parents. Justin and Hailey not only have years of "friendship" to cling to as a reason to get married, they also have enabler parents. What could go wrong?

Let's get back to Selena. A reader pointed out to us that Justin still has her face tattooed on his wrist (thanks J O!) Like, it's a fully visible tattoo of Selena Gomez. On his arm. While Justin Bieber proposed, a tattoo of his ex was chilling in plain sight. Is this a metaphor for how Selena will always be the ghost of girlfriend's past looming over this union? YES. As Lainey put it, "Can you imagine saying yes to someone who asks you to marry them when they have another woman permanently on their body?!" I can't imagine it but in this generation when Zayn's got Gigi's eyes across his chest and every next dude is getting his true love inked on his skin, isn't this inevitable? Do they just forget it's there because of the sheer volume of dumb tattoos Bieber has? 

The common curtesy would be to have the tattoo removed or covered at least before you propose - like Pete Davidson. Pete and Ariana Grande have been coming up in comments about Justin Bieber's engagement because they both have decided to wed young and fast. Plus, Ariana and Justin have the same manager, Scooter Braun. Fans are calling this a conspiracy. You know we love a good conspiracy theory but who would this benefit? It's not like Ariana or Justin need the press. 

Here's what Ariana said in response to the theories: 

LOVE IS LIT. Put that in the vows. 

Listen, I'm not mad at what seems like the recent onslaught of young celeb engagements. This is, as we say, Good for Gossip. But I'll leave you with the phrase Lainey trademarked when Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson got engaged:

Fast flames flame out fast.™ Fast flames aren’t meant to last.™

JB and HB have known each other for a lot longer than Ariana and Pete, which makes them think that they are ready. They wouldn’t call their love a fast flame. They’d call it a slow burn destined to stay LIT forever and ever. How long are you giving this before it burns out? Are Justin and Hailey making it down the aisle? Dear sweet Blue Ivy, please let them make it so we can see what they wear. PLEASE.