It’s a really great day to be a lamb. After a years-long drought, our very own diva miss Mariah Carey has kicked off Pride month by giving her gays the greatest gift of all – new music. Mimi’s new single “Type Dangerous” was co-written and produced by Mimi herself along with new rumoured beau Anderson. Paak last year, which is when their courtship began. 

 

The minute I heard they were collaborating, I just f-king knew they would make the most amazing music together. Nights of them in bed is just a bonus, and it seems like this is bringing out the best in her. Mariah sounds better than she has in years and her lyrics are as sharp and witty as they have ever been. From the looks of initial online reaction, it seems Mariah also had the best new release this week. Sorry, Sabrina. 

 

The accompanying lyric video is basically a music video, just with less of a budget or story line and is more focused on sexy Mimi beauty shots with the lyrics flashing on the screen (as most lyric videos are). While I look forward to the official video, I’m never one to turn down one of Mariah’s signature high-heeled hot pants combo posing soirées; “Loverboy” is one of my favourites after all. She looks f-king fabulous, the hair is perfection as always, but it’s more than that. She’s exuding a confidence that feels refreshed and reminiscent of her reinvention during The Emancipation of Mimi just about 20 years ago, and my girl is talking her SH-T on this song. You can ask my friend Gabe who was lucky enough to be in the room with me last night when I first was taking in the song, I was screaming, I was actually screaming. Mimi is a wordsmith, I put her up there with Shakespeare – the instant I heard the line “I don’t have time for the rigamarole” in the first verse of this new track, I knew Mimi got her groove back. Not that it ever left, because seriously WHO the f-ck finds a way to use “rigamarole” in a contemporary song? Genius!

 

Any speculation that she’s become simply a holiday season artist can now be shut down, because not only is this a fantastic lead single but it’s some of her best work in years and she is no holds barred on these lyrics. She sings “clearing my throat, certified diamonds like the songs that I wrote” in reference to “three hoes” who had something to say to her on one occasion. I need to know who those “three hoes” are. Who thinks they have the right to speak to Mariah if they were not spoken to? She writes all her lyrics and they generally come from personal experience, so I know they’re out there. It’s giving someone’s bitter about her new mans. And the “chocolate kiss” she says she’ll be getting in her penthouse. Anderson? Is that you baby? She’s oozing confidence in both the writing and vocal delivery, and the sound of the actual song is fresh and different from anything she’s done before, while still feeling like authentic MC. 

 

Mimi has always been in tune with her sexuality in some ways. She loves a risqué outfit and she’s been known for a horny song or two, but this is also the woman who claimed in 2019 that she could count on one hand the amount of men she’s slept with. That’s always been a part of her charm, it’s giving Pussycat Dolls “sexy but classy”. But clearly whatever Anderson is putting on her has her comfortable enough to reminisce on the “sex in the city with a couple of flings” era post-Tommy Mottola. These types of lyrics are scandalous for Mariah. Now I keep imagining the new doors that getting your back blown out by Anderson. Paak can do for you. I guess the charming funny guys know how to be animals in the sack. Mariah doesn’t go into her horny bag often, but when she does it’s always executed in a clever way that feels necessary to the message of the song. In this case, she’s singing about her single life back in the early 2000s before dealing with a bunch of unfortunate men, but that’s what flings are for, right? Get what you need, and get the f-ck out. Here’s to both MCs staying horny – that would me and my queen. 

Mariah also takes aim at pretty much every man she’s every been linked with. I’m talking Derek Jeter, Flip (the line “motorcycle man had a yen for me” has fans thinking it’s a double shot for both Jeter and Flip); Nick Cannon (“fun for a while ‘til I caught him on the web hacking other girls’ files); James Packer; Tommy Mottola. We’ll get to those last two in a second. I’m still trying to figure out if there’s some Bryan Tanaka shade in there but given how private she was when that relationship came to an end, I have a feeling she isn’t ready to go there just yet. The other men however? Let’s f-king GOOOOOO! 

 

Mariah is feeling herself and putting a man in his place. After all, she did write one of the greatest diss tracks of all-time. I for one cannot get enough of the constant shade to Tommy Mottola, she even threw some light shade during her iHeart Icon Award speech back in March, so why should the new single be any different? “Fresh out of sing sing. That was just a castle and an evil king” – ouch. Tommy is the man who single-handedly held her prisoner in that house back in the 90s, so he has it coming always. If you haven’t read Mariah’s memoir The Meaning of Mariah Carey, she goes into serious detail on that experience. The “construction guy” who was “moving them pounds through customs” on the other hand is giving James Packer – which I think we can all agree that we conveniently have blocked that relationship out of our distant memory. 

 

Like I told you all earlier, our girl is a f-king WORDSMITH because I know she didn’t just expose his shady business? This is what dreams are made of. 

Mariah’s upcoming 16th studio album doesn’t have a release date yet, but she has confirmed that this single is in fact the first offering from the album – so the seven-year wait is almost over lambs. Get your Rainbow-era merch out, and put those butterfly hair clips in. The original MC, our precious butterfly, is back. What do you think of Mimi's new single? Squawk! (App link here)