Michael Bae Jordan is still on vacation in Europe. Yesterday he was on a boat (multiple boats) in Positano with friends. My man looks relaxed and happy, unbothered that we’ve all spent the past week stressing over WHO WAS IN THE CLUB WITH MBJ.  OK, maybe not ALL of us have been breaking out our pipes and monocles trying to crack this case but thank you to those of you who have been with me in the struggle. I appreciate that so many of you are enablers of my delusions.

To recap, last week Michael B. Jordan was in St. Tropez grinding up on a woman who now seems to have been misidentified as Ashlyn Castro. I received several tips about the identity of the Woman in the Club with MBJ. I am Veronica Mars. This is a dream come true. One reader is convinced that it’s not Ashlyn in the club because the woman is wearing a watch and people who wear watches wear them all the time. In Ashlyn’s Instagram pics, she doesn’t wear watches. This theory is my favourite because it’s HILARIOUS but also because it’s a lot less obvious than the overwhelming response I got. Many of you pointed out that the Woman in the Club has a tattoo on her wrist that Ashlyn does not have. 

Hip Hop Wired has gone so far as to identify the Woman in the Club as Ehsa Vantha, not Ashlyn Castro. Ehsa made her Instagram private after her club tryst with MBJ because the stans came for her mentions like they did to Ashlyn. Again, this is poor stan etiquette. Stop giving the rest of us a bad name. If both of these women hadn’t most likely made out with my future husband, I might even feel sorry for them. 

Here’s Ehsa: 

And here’s Ashlyn: 


A post shared by Ashlyn Castro (@ashlyncastro) on

Does MBJ have a type? Should we be judging him for his type? I don’t think we should. Michael Bae Jordan does not seem to be in an exclusive relationship with either of these women. He’s in Europe having a good time. Let the man live! Another reader pointed out that MBJ was liking and commenting on Ashlyn’s posts up until June. So either they broke up and he’s newly single or they were never that serious to begin with. Is it time to shoot my shot? 

Next case.