Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver were photographed in New York on Friday working on Noah Baumbach’s new film. A Noah Baumbach film is a good reset for Scarlett. I’d like to see her in a smaller, quieter film. But my first thought when I saw these pictures was that if I were Scarlett Johansson, who’s been josting Colin Jost for almost a year now, with Adam Driver, well, I’m just saying it would be, at least for me, an entirely different temperature. As in a nuclear temperature. There is, to be clear, nothing to say here. Adam is married. Nobody is wanting him to be not married. The only point I’m trying to make is that if Adam and Scarlett were giving me onscreen chemistry, I would believe it. 

And that’s not even the actual reason I’m posting about him. How many times did you see Star Wars: The Last Jedi? It was four for me, in theatres. And it’s on iTunes now so that means I’ll be watching it again soon, I’m thinking Easter next weekend. The Last Jedi is the first time I’ve been turned on by Adam Driver. He never really did it for me in Girls, he didn’t do it for me in The Force Awakens, but something about the way those ForceTime scenes played out between Kylo Ren and Rey, it made me horny. Like enough with the virtual sex in the next movie, please let them f-ck, PLEASE LET THEM F-CK. (They will probably not f-ck. Star Wars doesn’t do real f-cking.)

And that’s not even the actual reason I’m posting about him either. For 3 months I’ve been waiting to post about Adam Driver because there is one thing I LOVE about Adam Driver that has nothing to do with how hot I think he is… 

What I love most about Adam Driver is that he may feel the way I do about that famewhore, the Kardashian of droids, BB-8…which is DISDAIN. Disdain is too light a word for it. I’m fighting with that little asshole right now because he’s showing up on my paper towels. BB-8 is now going to be in my kitchen for at least the next month because I STILL HAVE FIVE MORE ROLLS.

Get out of my life!!!

Adam understands though.

Hostility is right. It’s the only acceptable attitude towards BB-8. Adam’s hostility towards BB-8 is the sexiest thing about him.