Ariana Grande’s early tour kiss-off

“What rhymes with Ethan?” is a question Ariana Grande and her songwriters might be pondering for the next “thank u, next” remix.

After a messy debut and a fairly quiet relationship, Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater have officially split. It was confirmed by TMZ and a source tells PEOPLE they are “still friends” (yada yada).

This buttons up Ariana’s work on Wicked, really. She hit the movie star trifecta here: messy affair, huge box office hit, and Oscar nomination. But what started as a bang has ended with a whimper. And that timing is not by accident. As far back as October, I wrote that there were rumours the two were on the outs and I was playing Gossip Genie with her Meet the Fockers co-star Skyler Gisondo (the man has rizz). Right now, Ariana is on a sold-out tour and is busy, on the move with very little downtime.

Wicked: For Good premiered in November and there is no way she would have wanted to overshadow the junket with news of her breakup. Then it was an award show run. Then she was filming Meet the Fockers, then tour rehearsals. So really, there was no rush for her to announce it. As for Ethan, well, he’s not at the level of fame that would justify an announcement – all interest in this comes from the fact that 1. He was dating Ariana Grande and 2. He allegedly left his wife, who was caring for their baby while he was filming, to be with her. The upside here for Ariana is that like all of her exes, he doesn’t seem keen to blab. Her exes really don’t sell her out to the press. She either has a good instinct for that or very good NDAs.

So sure, there was no rush. But also, why now?  She could have just let the story play out and not confirmed or denied. Sometimes, an announcement like this precedes a soft launch. Maybe someone shows up at her show. The tour runs through summer and wraps up in September, and Meet the Fockers comes out in November.

My Gossip Genie with her co-star Skyler stands. Lainey has her own wish. And hang on a second, Pete Davidson is single again – can you imagine? All I know is she better check his phone records, his credit report, his Life360. The Arianators have been in the trenches fighting for their girl for years, so for their sake this man needs to be a capital-S SINGLE.