Pam and Tommy C?

We should start with an important disclaimer. There is nothing remotely reliable out there to suggest that Pamela Anderson and Tom Cruise are a real thing… or are even on their way to being a real thing. The primary outlets trying to make them a thing are The National Enquirer and the Daily Mail, which should have been a red flag to those who reposted their reports. But we’re beyond that now, so the bullsh-t has already been shared by everyone, from Page Six to TikTok, and now some people are talking about it like it might actually be happening. Pam and another Tommy?

I mean, it’s fiction but at least one of the two people involved in this storytime has a disposition for believing in some crazy ass alien business so, you know, I can’t say I can’t see it… but from a gossip angle. Multiple gossip angles. If, that is, we want to add dimension to this fiction.

The most potentially chilling angle would include a supporting character: Julian Assange. He and Pam were close for a time, are still close by all accounts, although he keeps a much lower profile now. Julian and the Church of Scientology, though, are not friends. He was critical of the organisation before Wikileaks. And then, when Wikileaks launched, one of their early high-profile leaks was a sh-tload of private Scientology documents. And the church tried to sue them over it. Not that Julian has any say over Pam’s private life choices but I feel like we can at least assume what he would think if she was actually dating Tom Cruise.

But maybe that’s the fiction – and if I was on The National Enquirer or the Daily Mail payroll, in the newsroom pitching what f-ckery to publish next, why stop at making up a story about Pam and Tommy C, the new Tommy Lee, when you can go even harder with the clickbait and concoct a tale about Scientology devising the ultimate revenge plan on Julian Assange by sending Tom Cruise out to romance and recruit Pamela Anderson, Julian’s most famously loyal supporter?

Coming back to reality though, we’ll be seeing a lot of Tom Cruise in the back half of the year, closer to the release of Digger in early October, a film predicted to contend for multiple Oscars, including Best Actor for Tom Cruise. This is Tom’s priority, nothing will f-ck with Digger’s path to the Dolby, and every move will be in service of that mission. Would dating Pamela Anderson work within whatever strategy is in place to get him a nomination and a legitimate shot at a legacy win? Or would any dating gossip be a distraction from what will be the predominant campaign message: Tom Cruise is one of the biggest movie stars Hollywood has ever produced and he is overdue. Plus… and most importantly… would Pamela Anderson, who has spent the last few years rewriting the narrative that has been forced upon her by the industry and the public, her own desires and personality and interests overlooked, her multitudes diminished so that she occupied only one dimension: sexpot for men…

Would this woman actually agree to a farce that would cast her simply as the latest girlfriend to a bombastic and controversial superstar? Would the new and true Pam really want to be part of the new Pam and Tommy 2.0? 

Attached - Tom Cruise in London the other day.