Is Xenu coming for Cuba Gooding Jr?

February 5, 2016 15:09:58 Posted at February 5, 2016 15:09:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Pacific Coast News

Cuba Gooding Jr is currently promoting The People vs OJ Simpson: American Crime Story. Did you watch it on Tuesday? Ratings were big.

Anyway, Cuba was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen last night and was asked about Tom Cruise, with whom he worked in A Few Good Men and Jerry Maguire. You’ll recall, he won an Oscar for Jerry Maguire, like almost 20 years ago now. So I guess they were talking about how good Tom still looks? And whether or not Cuba thinks Tom’s had any work done on his face? His response:

“Absolutely, yes!”

And he might have seen the evidence:

"I don't know what he's had done, but I surprised him at his house one day and he had all these little red dots over his face," Gooding told a stunned and delighted Cohen as he played a game of Spill the Tea. "And I said, 'You alright?' and he said, 'I didn't know you were coming.'" Gooding Jr., 48, added. "And I was like, 'I can see why!'"

We need Oda Mae Brown to tell Cuba that he’s in danger.

Because celebrities aren’t supposed to talk about what other celebrities have gotten done. You only do that in the privacy of Gwyneth Paltrow’s house. And celebrities are definitely not supposed to talk sh-t about what the Crown Prince of Scientology’s done, unless it involves saving someone’s life. They know where he lives.

But wait. Cuba also recently said that another Sci, John Travolta, “might be my favourite co-star of all time”. Does that help? Can JT advocate on his behalf and spare Cuba from furious retribution?

F-ck no!

Tom Cruise is the Xenu’s top priority. JT, meanwhile, needs to focus on staying away from the spa to pass his auditing sessions. And how supportive can those auditors be of his friendship with Cuba anyway, given, um, you know.

Here’s Tom this week is New Orleans on the set of Mena. When he’s done with that he’s expected to start work on The Mummy reboot. And then at some point in the summer, he’ll move on to work on Mission: Impossible 6. Basically he’s going to keep jumping off buildings until he’s 90.

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