Meet your new Batman

May 13, 2014 18:07:34 Posted at May 13, 2014 18:07:34
Sarah Posted by Sarah

Principal photography is getting underway on Zack Snyder’s Batman vs. Superman: Justice League .5, or whatever they’re going to call this movie. They insist the title is not locked in, which means my dream of it being called Superhero Face Punch is still alive. Currently they’re shooting in Detroit, and today Snyder has released the first official image via his Twitter, revealing someone who may or may not be Ben Affleck in the new batsuit, standing next to the new batmobile. That looks like Affleck’s butt-chin but there’s no confirmation it is him so to spare myself a slew of nerd-ragey emails about how it’s actually such-and-such stunt actor, let’s call this photo “Allegedly Ben Affleck in Definitely the New Batsuit”.

The suit looks fine, but it has that dumbass new bat-logo on its chest. I liked Superman’s redone logo for Man of Steel because it played into the idea of the iconic “S” being a hieroglyphic, so making it look less font-like made sense. But Batman’s new logo looks, um, bloated. This is supposed to be an older Batman, coming out of retirement to deal with the new kid on the block. Is the logo telling us something about Bruce Wayne at this point in his life?

So what can we infer from this photo? Bruce Wayne is a dumpy middle-aged billionaire who hangs out in warehouses, looking forlornly at the ground. He’s predictably grim and broody, and undoubtedly every second word used in his vicinity is “gritty”. He has an AWESOME car but it brings him no joy. There is no joy in Batman’s world, not ever. The only light he sees is the fading light of justice but it can no longer hold back the creeping mist of despair and decrepitude. Everything is gray and hopeless and the darkness is unrelenting as Batman stands, bowed but resolute, resolved to face-punch this f*cking upstart who broke Metropolis before sinking back into the shadows once again. The shadows which are the true home and only comfort of Batman.

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