Point Break 2.0: enjoyable as a stupid movie

December 29, 2015 14:55:51 Posted at December 29, 2015 14:55:51
Sarah Posted by Sarah

And yeah, OG Point Break is a ridiculous f*cking movie, too. As far as comparing the two goes, it’s not a matter of the original being better because the original Point Break is silly as f*ck, and this movie is silly as f*ck, so in that sense it’s keeping the tradition alive. It also has some “who cares if they die, this will look totally bitchin’” action sequences, though it doesn’t have anything close to the original’s famous chase scene when it comes to actual excitement. But Point Break 2.0 does have monster waves, bros, and X-Treme! Sportz! Action!

Johnny Utah is now named Johnny Something Else and “Utah” is a nickname because “Utah’s” mother was a Ute Indian which means “mountain people” which is why “Utah” is so good on the mountain, all of which is stated in actual dialogue spoken aloud by real human beings. “Utah” is played by Luke Bracey who is somehow not a Hemsworth but IS Australian. Lainey swears Luke Bracey brings the thunder in person, but in this movie he does not bring the thunder. He brings, at most, a gentle mist. Instead, all of the thunder is brought by Edgar Ramirez, who is hot in the X-Treme! because everything about Point Break 2.0 is Maximum X-Treme! including Edgar Ramirez’s hotness. Dear Lainey: I listened to my libido and it told me to Freebie Five Edgar Ramirez immediately.

“Utah” is also no longer a former college football star, he has been upgraded to an X-Treme! athlete whose friend dies in a motocross accident because he was not of the mountain. Somehow this leads to “Utah” becoming an FBI agent, in a leap of logic that looks something like this: “Friend Dies > ??? > FBI Agent”.

Delroy Lindo is also in the FBI, and he is one second away from not taking any of “Utah’s” sh*t. For completely inexplicable reasons, Delroy Lindo both doubts “Utah’s” dedication to being an FBI agent and trusts his hunch that a group of daredevil diamond thieves are actually X-Treme! athletes just like “Utah”, and that the diamond heist and other similar crimes are all connected and part of the “Ozaki Eight”, a challenge to complete eight X-Treme! tasks.

“Utah’s” theory is enough to get the FBI to send him to France for a big wave surf meet, where he meets Bodhi and his gang. Ramirez is crazy hot as Bodhi but he also looks terminally bored and you can practically see him mentally planning the kitchen renovation he’s going to do with his Point Break money. Bodhi and “Utah” spend a lot of time staring intensely into one another’s eyes, and the camera lingers on their bodies in a way that isn’t explicitly about the female gaze so much as it is about glorifying body art and iliac crests, making this the most homoerotic movie since 300.

Ericson Core’s direction is exactly what you would expect from a treadmill—the movie moves very fast, but never really goes anywhere. The whole thing is shot in the silver light of a car commercial, and there is also an extended Go Pro commercial in the middle of the movie. It actually feels like something was removed from an earlier cut that would make this, if not a smarter movie, then a more coherent one, but it was replaced with this X-Treme! Action! Montage! instead.

All the familiar Point Break beats are here in some form or another—credit where credit is due: The diamond heist features a cleverish twist on the “Ex-Presidents” from the original—but there’s no “I am an EFF BEE EYE agent!” moment, because Keanu Reeves is an irreplaceable treasure. Point Break 2.0 isn’t bad, it’s just so f*cking dumb, and it’s actually enjoyable as a stupid movie. It’s not nearly as dumb-fun as the original, but that’s not in theaters, this is. And “this” is a nonsensical bit of dumbassery that will entertain you for a couple of hours. You could certainly do worse if you’re looking for non-Star Wars holiday distraction at the movies. Like, say, Daddy’s Home, which made me want to stab myself in the eyeball with a rusty spoon. I’ll be reviewing that movie later this week because I am an X-Treme! film critic who lives On The Edge.

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