There’s an absolutely ridiculous video on YouTube that was released last Friday making rounds on Twitter. The creator, an alleged ““““““““expert”””””””” in body language, analyzes a press interview with Brie Larson, Don Cheadle, and Chris Hemsworth. The video makes you both laugh at the sheer absurdity of some of the conclusions and want to rip your hair out. Here are some of my favourite gems.

In response to Brie joking with Hemsworth when he can’t remember the word “stuntman”:

“She’s also lifting herself…she’s trying to be taller than these two gentleman, who are actually very relaxed. They’re comfortable in their position, in life, or in the room, or with each other... But she is really trying to dominate them. I guess in her mind, domination equals acceptance…in reality, submission will get you a lot further in friendship circles than trying to dominate and boss everyone around.”

On Brie saying that she does her own stunts:

“Very unprofessional in that statement to sit there and do that. It also shows her maturity level and her social ineptness that she cannot relate to other people or situations to be acceptable. And still holds her head up through it. That’s the other thing that gets me. She holds her head up through it like, “I’ve completely been a bitch.” She’s not modest in it. Nothing.”

Here’s the best one: 

“Oh my God. This woman [Brie]. I think she likes this man in the brown [Chris]. I think it’s driving her absolutely nuts that she can’t figure out how to get him to like her back…She’s got a tight smile and her eyes are softened with him and looking at him. It gives the illusion of bedroom eyes…The blinking. It’s a slow blinking too. And she looks back at the interviewer…And then blinks some more, the slow blinking, and then back with bedroom eyes to him [Chris].”

Brie literally paid attention to Chris’s story, looked back at the interviewer, and then looked back at Chris. Oh, and she also blinked a few times. THAT’S HOW YOU HAVE A CONVERSATION, YOU IMBECILE! 

These comments all touch upon the same sexist criticism, even though they come from a woman. The analysis is that Brie is anti-social, bitchy, and a psycho for not fitting the female expectation of sitting quietly, stoking her male co-stars’ egos, and apologizing for her achievements. It criticizes Brie for not adhering to the standards of the very patriarchy that she punches in Captain Marvel. Plus, if you know anything about Brie Larson, this is exactly on brand for her. Remember when she insisted upon having a diverse press tour and everyone spewed toxic garbage at her in the comments? Or when she dared to speak about compensation and salary at the Women of the World Conference? Or when she stonily gave Casey Affleck the Oscar that he didn’t deserve? Brie Larson is all about not taking crap and owning the power and fame she wields to be a trailblazer for those who follow her.  

This expert analysis is obviously a load of bullsh-t. Also, anyone with that many donate links on their YouTube channel and an entire online store designed for cryptocurrencies probably isn’t the best authority? Don Cheadle even laughed at the video on Twitter, explaining that Brie’s “stiff neck” (used as evidence for her domineering personality in the video), was actually because Brie tried to keep her ponytail straight to help out the stylist. And their so-called animosity? A harmless joke between friends. 

The problem, however, is that this video is being used as fodder and evidence to support the diaper babies (thanks for the term, Sarah) who are mad about a female superhero poopooing on their Captain America and Iron Man hard-ons. YouTube’s next algorithmically recommended video after this one is titled “Brie Larson is Ruining Marvel!” and has 2 million views. The comments on videos like this, across Reddit threads and Twitter posts are obsessed with convincing everyone that the entire Marvel cast hates Brie Larson and that her place in the universe is just another example of diversity being shoved down everyone’s throats. Um, that “forced” diversity made a billion dollars. 

When the Avengers criticize Carol for not being there to help stop Thanos, she reminds us that there are other planets that need her help. It’s basically her version of “Kim, there’s people that are dying.” And some more patriarchy to punch in the next movie.