I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out what Beyonce’s new hair was reminding me of. Vickie! Realty Bites! It’s one of my favourite movies.

And it’s not just the short blunt thick bangs. It’s also Vickie’s style. Vickie dressed like a 1950s housewife took a bath in grunge. Vickie had the best lines, the best expressions. Vickie deserved her own f-cking movie.

Check out Beyonce last night in London in an outfit that Vickie would TOTALLY appreciate. And I think I might actually be able to forgive this hair, even appreciate it, if it was actually inspired by Vickie Miner. But you know B. No one inspires B. B is the inspiration always and only. So I guess I still hate it.

And the Carters’ European Love Tour continues. In London they’ve been holding hands and smiling and some would argue that she’s just trying too hard, so damn hard, what happened to the Beyonce who was just happy to let people talk sh-t about her and then shove a surprise album up their asses? What I’m trying to remember, because we’ve accumulated an encyclopedia of gossip over the last year or so, is how we reacted to B and J stepping out and showing us their love BEFORE the elevator incident. Because they did, though perhaps with not as much frequency or intensity. But then again, that was also prior to the On The Run tour. Which, by the way, was scheduled ahead of the elevator incident too. That’s the exception then. Because Beyonce is practically a demi-god, timing usually works in Beyonce’s favour and it would have continued to work in her favour but for a sibling who forgot about the playbook. And then timing became Beyonce’s enemy; she was obligated to be up in our faces all summer. To me what’s continued to be most interesting about all of this is not why Beyonce’s stretching but how she’s reacted to that loss of control. She’s cool under pressure – but it has to be contained within the realm of performance. Unless, of course, it’s ALL performance.