Last week, Lainey wrote about Mila Kunis revealing her former f-ckbuddy relationship with Ashton Kutcher on Howard Stern. It’s notable because Mila and Ashton are privacy scolds, except on the red carpet. And when she’s talking about her pregnancy on Ellen. Besides that, they are inscrutable!

Right now Mila is promoting Bad Moms (which we’ll get to in a second) with an OG privacy scold, Kristen Bell. She led the charge on the “No Kids Zone”, which I wrote about here and here. The need for privacy seems to lessen when Mila and Kristen have movies to promote. So their husbands join them on Ellen. Then Mila went on Stern to talk about hooking up with Ashton and now Kristen has released photos from her wedding in 2013. Because we were all waiting on them?

Of course not. If you asked me two days ago if Kristen and Dax were legally married, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. She’s going back to a very personal, private event in 2013 to drum up those extra headlines in promotion of Bad Moms.

Look, I’m never going to be mad at someone for doing their job, and promotion is undoubtedly part of the job. It’s the cherry picking I take issue with -- the parceling out of information on the celeb’s terms, when s/he needs to get the most leverage out of it. Kristen and Mila both have a tendency to play the game (using cute family anecdotes on talk shows, talking about labour, sharing details about their experiences as mothers) and then pretend the game doesn’t exist.

As Lainey says, it’s an attempt to turn the celebrity eco-system into a dictatorship. It’s the refusal to acknowledge that celebs, magazines, paparazzi, readers – we are all in this sh-tmix together. No one gets the moral high ground here. It’s certainly not on top of that fancy fridge.

But how can they be playing with Minivan Majority? They’re the cool Bad Moms! Have you watched this trailer? I avoided it until someone tweeted about a Boys Don’t Cry reference.
That’s the best they could come up with? (Also in what universe is Mila Kunis not smoking hot in any condition?)

Jokes, the Bad Moms trailer’s got ‘em. Like peanuts. Have you heard? Peanuts aren’t allowed in schools. Um… when was the last time peanuts were allowed in schools? I’m in my, ahem, late thirties, and I remember peanuts being phased out when I was in school. Is it that outrageous to ban a popular allergen from an area exclusively designed for kids? I can’t be totally certain, but I suspect people who are dismayed by peanuts not being allowed in school are the same people who share #alllivesmatter posts on Facebook and hate the new Ghostbusters. Or maybe I’m just a Christina Applegate.

The tropes that they offer up in the trailer are incredibly dated. Moms fall into two categories: anal, competitive and shrew or disorganized, frumpy/waiting for a makeover and one tequila shot away from a complete meltdown. Maybe the two screenwriters, Jon Lucas and Scott Moore (the guys behind The Hangover) can work magic with these women like they did with the Wolfpack chemistry in the first Hangover movie. Because the female characters were so strong in those films? Scratch that. I’m putting “Sarah please review this” on my wishlist.

In the meantime, let’s come up with a Bechdel Test for mom movies. 1. It has to have two women who aren’t venomous or high-strung 2. Who talk to each other like human beings 3. About something other than their kids. Then instead of mom movies we can just call them… movies.

Attached - Kristen Bell at Comic-Con the other day.