Moonfall is already the dumbest movie of 2022, but you know what the most INSANE movie of 2022 will be? Aline. There is no doubt in my mind that NOTHING will top Aline for sheer, jaw-dropping scope of absurdity.
Aline, an official selection of the Cannes Film Festival, is written by, directed, and starring French actor/singer/comedian Valerie Lemercier. She is 57 years old, and she plays “Aline”, a character “freely inspired” by Celine Dion, from ages FIVE to 50. Lemercier is not only de-aged in the film, but SHRUNK DOWN to play a child in a movie she wrote and directed for herself based on the life of Celine Dion. Even Martin Short didn’t go to those lengths when playing a deranged ten-year-old in Clifford; he just stood on his knees and made no other attempt to be a “convincing” child, because there is no way to make a middle-aged adult into a convincing child.
The trailer is HILARIOUS, not least because of the quotes they pulled from critics for use in the trailer. I am 100% sure that US distributor Roadside Attraction is on the joke, there’s no way they pulled THESE quote SO FAR out of context and weren’t laughing the entire time. For instance, the trailer quotes Kyle Buchanan, who writes for The New York Times, as saying, “You have not lived until you have seen this…” which makes Aline sound like a must-see cinematic event (and maybe IT IS, just not like, you know, in the good way). But here is Buchanan’s full quote:
They do the same thing to Rachel Handler of Vulture, quoting her calling the film “transcendent”, when her full quote comes from an article meant to brace the potential audience of Aline for what they’re about to see, and her use of “transcendent” implies an out-of-body experience while watching the film.
Does Aline look completely bonkers? Absolutely. Is the trailer breaking my brain in a way reminiscent of Cats? 100%. Is this trailer also exuding the go-for-broke spirit of Celine Dion herself all over the place? For sure. Is the effect of shrinking a grown-ass woman down to child-sized creepy and unsettling, and the romance between Aline and her much-older manager, Guy-Claude (a stand-in for Rene Angelil), also creepy and unsettling? You bet. But what use is a Celine Dion biopic, even a “freely inspired” one, if it’s not balls-to-the-wall nuts? Celine Dion is la reine du fromage, and Aline looks extremely fromage. And also possibly cursed. Baby Aline is probably going to haunt us forever.
