Cardi B is still dealing with That Man

Cardi B is revealing just how bad things have become between her and Offset, who she filed for divorce from last August, before the birth of their youngest child, which Lainey wrote about here. Over the weekend, in a rant on Twitter, she spoke at length about being the victim of stalking, harassment, revenge p-rn, and threats of suicide – all at the hands of Offset, who she says has resorted to these tactics in his quest to get her back, but also to humiliate, degrade and attempt to maintain control over her.

According to Cardi, his disturbing text messages prompted her to reach out to Offset’s current girlfriend, rumoured to be a model named Melanie Jayda, who was seen on multiple occasions with the rapper, most notably in Dubai, spotted by TMZ during a shopping trip to Chanel. Cardi says she forwarded the messages to her.

"This guy is upset that I sent his girlfriend text messages of him begging me, saying he was going to take away his life, saying he was going to take away my life. All that sh-t, he was mad."

But she went on to say this only came after Offset sent messages, which included revenge p-rn, to her romantic interest. 

"Mind you, he sent text messages to somebody I was dealing with of videos of me and him having sex. That’s the kind of sh-t that I was dealing with for the past two months."

She went on to say that Offset becomes particularly agitated when she travels, leaving her disturbing voice notes in an attempt to lower her self-esteem and confidence, leaves her explicit voicemail messages as well, and FaceTimes her in the company of his new partner.

All of this comes after a previous rant she went on in January, where Cardi alleged Offset and his mom ‘robbed’ her back in January. According to Billboard, she didn’t elaborate on what, exactly, she meant by that, but she did go into detail about Offset shunning her kids during the holidays, despite being present for his other children and providing them with gifts over Christmas.

“You just called your daughter for the first time this year, yesterday. Your newborn. You love your kids so much and you didn’t bought them sh-t for Christmas. But you came to New York to buy your other kids gifts. But you didn’t bought my kids sh-t on purpose to spite me. Mind you, we was cool. We wasn’t f—ing, but we was cool. Stop f—ing playing with me.”

From the sounds of it, Cardi is correct in her assertion that Offset’s behaviour has to do with him wanting to spite her. And unfortunately, she and her children, along with the rest of the world, are seeing the extent to which he will go to do just that. But as I mentioned earlier in this piece, and a few other pieces I’ve written about these two, his attempts to control and humiliate Cardi are worsening, becoming increasingly desperate – and in this case, increasingly vile. We are quite literally witnessing what coercive control looks like and how it plays out. 

According to a 2016 article about this form of abuse in The New York Times, coercive control is defined as:

“A pattern of behavior that some people — usually but not always men — employ to dominate their partners. Coercive control describes an ongoing and multipronged strategy, with tactics that include manipulation, humiliation, isolation, financial abuse, stalking, gaslighting and sometimes physical or sexual abuse.”

With financial abuse being one tactic, it’s interesting to think about what that looks like in a dynamic where both parties have significant wealth. He is certainly making a point by not providing Cardi’s kids with the gifts he is providing his other kids, leaving the responsibility to ensure her kids have a good Christmas entirely in her hands. But besides the financial aspect of that, he is sending the message that if she doesn’t give him what he wants, her children, his children, will suffer, perhaps not as it pertains to gifts, but as it pertains to having an active, present father in their lives. 

His refusal to sign the divorce papers is also an example of financial abuse and manipulation, as he’s forcing the extension of her paying for legal fees. And despite not going into detail about what she meant in her allegation that he and his mother ‘robbed’ her, that could be yet another way he is trying to exert financial control over her.

Back in January, he posted a now deleted tweet to X that read: 

“When u split the custody I will u ain’t worried bout music u worried about d–k everybody can see it all u talk about us d–k and in clubs burnt no music no nothing just drama.”

He is humiliating her by simultaneously slut-shaming her, despite him being the one who was (constantly) unfaithful in their marriage, gaslighting her into believing that this is a custody issue when she’s made it clear that he is more than welcome to see his children, and downplaying her success, acting like she’s not focused on her career when she’s already released a hit this year. 

It's clear that Offset is using tactics that abusers often employ in their quest for control – whether of a person, a narrative, or a situation. And while I’ve spoken before about bitter baby daddies and toxicity in men on full display in high-profile separations, this is so much more sinister than mere jealousy or bitterness. He is taking it several steps further with his alleged threats of self-harm, threats of violence against Cardi, the stalking and harassment and the revenge p-rn. While all of it is alarming, Offset’s willingness to shame and humiliate the mother of his children through revenge p-rn is particularly sickening – and, also, illegal.

Despite the legalities surrounding revenge p-rn being very much a Wild West up until recently, in 2019, it did in fact become illegal in New York state, thanks to a bill signed by Governor Andrew Cuomo in July of that year. The penalty for this crime carries a possible jail sentence of up to a year along with civil damages. Despite the fact that Offset leaked the material to Cardi’s love interest, as opposed to, let’s say, a soulless blog that would reshare the content for clicks, it still counts as him disseminating intimate images without Cardi’s consent. 

For those asking why Cardi doesn’t take the legal steps to have him reprimanded, and perhaps put an end to all of this? That answer is incredibly complicated – and it likely wouldn’t be the end of anything, just the beginning of even more hostility. 

First of all, Offset is the father of her children, a position that he has weaponized time and time again, touting the fact that they share children as an indication of his “victory” in their ugly split. But moreover, Offset is aware that Cardi likely might not have it in her to have him jailed or legally prosecuted for the damage he is causing through his inability to function as a mature, logical and forward-thinking man.

This is why a lot of men, particularly ex-husbands and fathers, get away with the abuse they do. They prey on the fact that so many women have difficulty pursuing legal action against former husbands and the fathers of their children, perhaps in an effort to maintain some kind of relationship for the sake of their children. 

Offset is a piece of work. He is also a piece of something else, but that goes without saying. And despite the pair having such volatile relationship, Cardi is not only entitled to the divorce she filed for, but very clearly well within her right to ask for one if this is the person she was dealing with all along.