But can you lose something you never had? 

Drake dropped two surprise songs over the weekend and one of them, Diplomatic Immunity, contains the lyric:

2010 was when I lost my halo 
2017 I lost a JLO

We’re dealing with one of two scenarios here. One is that Drake knows we were all obsessed with Lopizzy and he’s playing with us. Drake’s most impressive and lucrative talent is doing/saying things that instantly go viral. This could all be just a well-thought out strategy. OR Drake is actually the Stage 5 Clinger everyone thinks he is and while he was getting his Birkin bags monogrammed with “Jenny from the block,” JLO was out here treating him like a booty call.  

It’s probably a bit of both but I’m going with the latter scenario because it’s Jennifer Lopez and the dude who bought Rihanna a billboard. This is SO on brand for him. Drake is totally the guy who hits once and then you can’t get rid of him. I’m thoroughly entertained by the idea that JLO pulled a Hotline Bling on Drake. I’m picturing Drake holding a Say Anything boom box (see, I know 80s movies!) over his head blaring, “You don't need no one else/You don't need nobody else.”

I’m imagining this tweet… 

… but swap out Rihanna for JLO. I LOVE the idea that Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are probably sitting around in matching gold silk robes laughing hysterically while Drake is crying in a closet full of Birkins (seriously, why don’t we make fun of this more?) lamenting a love lost. 

For the record, Drake’s sensitivity is a good thing. I like that he raps about his feelings and has made a career out of being vulnerable in his lyrics. I do not feel guilty for making fun of what he says on Diplomatic Immunity because it’s JENNIFER LOPEZ. JLO is usually the one ready to marry every man she dates. Not this time. This time she had her fun and moved on, as she should. And she left Drake thinking he lost her to Alex Rodriguez. 


This is TOO good for gossip.  

Now, because I know that neither of them is above this, can JLO and Drake please remake her seminal classic All I Have, complete with a shot-for-shot recreation of the video, about their “relationship?”

On the same song, Drake also shoots down rumours he’s the father of former porn star Sophie Brussaux’s baby and, of course, he mentions Rihanna for no other reason than to remind us that he’s as obsessed with Rihanna as the rest of us. 

Listen to the full track below.