Today in This Is Important News, a new teaser for Stranger Things dropped and you guys, Eleven has BANGS. We’ve seen her with a shaved head, we’ve seen her with a curly pixie, with a lob, with whatever was happening when she went to Chicago, and now Eleven has reached a rite of passage for women everywhere: GETTING BANGS. Look, we all do it. One day, we walk into a salon and think, you know what? I’d look great with bangs. Most of us don’t, but we all think it at one point or another. I’m just lucky my bangs phase came in childhood, when the effect of bangs clashing with my crookedy witch eyebrows was sort of endearing in a scowling-child way and not something I have to take responsibility for as an adult. I don’t know how old Eleven is supposed to be anymore, because the Stranger Things kids have grown up SO much since the show debuted five years ago and they all look like full-on adults with mortgages now, but Eleven’s bangs are a best case, don’t-worry-they’ll-grow-out-soon scenario. As in, they’re not fully tragic, but no, the wispy bits at the ends don’t really make it better.
Also in this teaser is Hopper having a normal one with a shaved head and a flame thrower, what looks like Steve Harrington under water, and Max and the gang in a definitely haunted house with a creepy grandfather clock. Like all bangs being bad, all grandfather clocks are haunted, and I can’t wait to find out what 19th-century sadboy is trapped inside it. Also, there are cheerleaders, a car crash, the Upside Down, Dungeons & Dragons, and a tag that season four will arrive “in 2022”, six years after season one. Great, can’t wait to find out how Will’s second divorce is going. Seriously, at this rate, the kid actors are going to be in their 30s when the show wraps up. At least by that point, though, Eleven will have learned the inevitable truth that All Bangs Are Bad.