As you know, boy sh-t is the best sh-t, and over the weekend Vin Diesel delivered some premium, grade-A boy sh-t when he uncorked his feud with The Rock in an Instagram appeal to get Dwayne Johnson to return to the Fast/Furious franchise for Fast 10.
Did you think it was dead and buried? Did you think they went their separate ways? Did you think you would ever be alive on the day that Vin Diesel called Dwayne Johnson “my little brother Dwayne”? Well, it isn’t! And they didn’t! And you are and he did! Vin Diesel went out back and dug up their beef like high school grads at the reunion unearthing their time capsule. And just like that crappy time capsule, the Vin Diesel/Dwayne Johnson boy sh-t is entirely about who is the most popular person in the cafeteria at lunch time.
I think Vin Diesel thinks it’s him, but he’s the one asking, you know? He’s doing everything to not frame it that way, to make it sound like he’s being so magnanimous, graciously extending an olive branch to Johnson. Calling Johnson his “little brother’’—Diesel is older, I’m sure that’s where it is coming from, but the idea of VIN DIESEL calling DWAYNE JOHNSON “my little brother” after YEARS of tacit and explicit sniping in public is HILARIOUS—saying he has to do this because he promised Pablo (Paul Walker) to make the best Fast/Furious finale possible, and framing it as Johnson’s “destiny” and that he must “rise to the occasion” to make Hobbs’ return to the franchise happen.
But that gives all the power to Johnson. No matter how much Diesel tries to sound like he’s holding all the cards, he isn’t. Because Johnson could just keep to his previously stated intention to not return for more Fast/Furious movies (barring his own spin-off series with Jason Statham, Hobbs & Shaw). And it’s not like he needs it, you know? He’s got Jumanji. He’s got Jungle Cruise, which is getting a sequel. He’s got Red Notice, blatant franchise bait, launching on Netflix this week (review later, but it’s not good). And then there is his biggest ace, Black Adam, which puts him into the DCEU. The Rock is a superhero (sort of) now. What does playing second fiddle to Vin Diesel in Fast 10 do for him? It kinda sounds like Vin Diesel needs Dwayne Johnson…but Dwayne Johnson doesn’t need Vin Diesel.