It’s her time. Christmas is always Mimi time. There have been several great articles the last few days acknowledging Mimi’s domination of Christmas but my favourite will always be the one written by our Dean, well before anyone else started doing it, in 2012. Click here if you’ve never read his 3 Rules For A Very Mimi Christmas.
For Mimi, pre-Christmas always involves getting paid in New York, either a lighting a Christmas tree or performing a series of holiday concerts. Like if you’re her accountant, you always count on at least a couple of million coming in between Thanksgiving and December 20th. This will continue in perpetuity because she wrote one of the most iconic Christmas songs of all time. But the Atlantic this week published an article about Mimi’s All I Want For Christmas Is You positing – HILARIOUSLY – that Mimi’s biggest moneymaker is actually the most anti-capitalism/consumerism Christmas song of all time.
I know. I KNOW.
That’s what makes this piece so f-cking brilliant. Click here to read it. It will make up for every sh-tty gift you open this season.
While the Atlantic unpacks the true meaning of the “You” in All I Want For Christmas Is You, and assigns to Mimi an altruism that she will no doubt enjoy while luxuriating in her champagne bath, the New York Times suggests that the “You” in the song refers not to a person or a pet or a diamond, even, but to an idea much bigger, much more ambitious:
IMMORTALITY
It’s true. This one song has made Mimi immortal. Long after we’re gone, she will live on, festively, in festivity, FOREVER. With a defined waist and shot from only the best angles.
She’s been showing us this waist and the good angles on her Instagram all week. What did I tell you about that “flu” she had earlier this month? Click here for a refresher. Never doubt that I know my Mimi.
Here’s Mimi giving us a couch sit and a lean hip, difficult to do in white:
Here she’s presenting us with two options of the same outfit, but both from the same side, obviously, in Dior boots and black leggings, because black is extra slimming, even when you’re standing next to a tree:
Here’s Mimi with her billionaire, making you take note of that aforementioned defined waist. If you are a true Lamb, your immediate reaction is to remark, out loud, that it’s very small:
Mimi’s feeling so good about herself that she’s even letting you see her in a tight gold zip-top. The true Lamb knows that the only reason she put up this photo, even though she’s sitting next to a very beautiful much younger woman, is because her arms look toned:
And what would Christmas be without Hello Kitty and a onesie? I’m actually surprised her tits aren’t spilling out in this shot.
Finally…
And I really, really find this hard to believe…
But it’s the best present ever, ever, ever…
Mimi’s tubing down a hill. BY HERSELF. She’s not being protected by a wall of cotton to break her fall. There are no ropes holding her in position. There’s no team of security guards sliding alongside her. Not one bodyguard is waiting at the bottom of the hill for her.
And she made it! Happy Christmas!
Question though: how did she get back up the hill?
