If you have ever sneezed in an enclosed workspace, chances are one of your coworkers has wailed, “I can’t get sick!” I’ve never understood this. Who can get sick? No one has time to get sick, Susan? And heaven forbid someone around you catches a cold within two weeks of that sneeze, because you know you are taking the blame.
I hate people who are like “So & so got me sick.” What are you, fuckin Columbo the epidemiologist? The world’s a toilet. You got yourself sick. Fuck off & stop blaming others for your filth.— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 25, 2019
Miss Piggy cannot be contained by monogamy. She tried it with Kermit, who wasn’t worthy of her adoration. In 2011, Jezebel ran an excerpt about Miss Piggy and Kermit’s relationship from Julie Klausner’s book, “I Don’t Care About Your Band”: “Kermit never wanted to devote his life to making Piggy happy — he just wanted to host his show and enjoy hanging out with his friends.” Accurate.
Romance is like shoe shopping: it's all about finding that one match that fits you perfectly. ...Then again, who is ever satisfied with just one pair of shoes??— Miss Piggy (@MissPiggy) March 25, 2019
Justin Bieber has publically spoken about his mental health quite a few times, and all he is really asking for in return is time. Time off from the constant “where is new music” question on social media. Justin faces two kinds of pressure on Instagram: the demands for music and the “YoUrealLylOveSeLEna” contingent constantly commenting on his and Hailey’s posts. With all of this, how can Justin be expected to feel about his fans? At what point does the “We made him, he would be nowhere without us!” line become an excuse to smother him and stunt his growth even more than fame already has?
This take is so hot is burning up Twitter – is Jagged Little Pill actually very bad and super lame? Is it “Baby Shark” for Gen X’ers? (Lainey: f-ck no.)
The Apple TV sizzle reel was underwhelming for me – how can one event with so much starpower feel so… muted? Like Sarah said this morning, Chris Evans looked bored. Kumail Nanjiani had a good time, though. (But how is Apple just going to pretend Planet of the Apps didn’t exist? I suffered through that Tim Cook. I know what you did two summers ago.)
Oprah touched my face.— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 25, 2019
Besides Kate and Meghan, there’s a sister-in-law storyline playing out on social media. Some people think Sophie Turner and Priyanka Chopra don’t like Kevin’s wife, Danielle Jonas. These photos, from a tour stop in Miami, have everyone asking, “Where’s Danielle?” Kevin and Danielle have two small children, so maybe she isn’t traveling with them. She might be joining them on other stops. Also, her brother is in the photo, so it’s still a family outing, even if she isn’t physically present.
I suspect that Lea Michele is the type who will send out a wedding photo as a holiday card. We all have that friend.