My job is to be on the internet. This is a blessing, most of the time. Except for the last couple of days as my priority has become avoiding anything on the internet that will take away from going into Avengers: Endgame clean. I’m seeing it at 630pm ET tonight. Only three hours to go. And afterwards I will devour everything to do with Endgame online, every single article, every single thread on reddit, all of it…before I see it again on Sunday. Here are some safe reads if you are in the same position. 

Yet another story of a dog being useful to its owner – and this is very, very, very useful. I am fascinated because, yes, Lola is very cute. But also, my dogs are of no use to me at all. I am of use to them. I am the one facilitating their pee, not the other way around. I also facilitate their bedtime comfort (my pillow) and their snacks (fresh homemade peanut butter), their exercise (the beach, every single day), and whatever the f-ck else they want. How did other people luck out with dogs that actually help them? (Dlisted) 

What. Excuse me? NO! NO. I refuse. Let us stop this right now. First you people tried to say that Thanos was “thicc” and that he could get. And now? NOW THE NIGHT KING? I don’t want to take any D from the Night King. WHY?! Why would you want to f-ck a blade, like a literal blade, with extra spikes, just for kicks. AND IT WOULD BE SO COLD! (Pajiba) 

Wait! When did this happen? The last time I checked, Klay Thompson was with Laura Harrier and Kathleen and I were freaking out about it because it was our new fantasy couple, as in the couple we were perving over. Apparently that’s over now because he’s dating Eiza Gonzalez. Also very hot. (TMZ) 

Michael B Jordan in a black turtleneck under a black jacket that’s belted with what looks like an airplane seatbelt is an excellent way to end the week – and the Fug Girls are right: he does look like a Jedi. A sexy Jedi who has sex. I can’t remember, can Jedis f-ck? (Go Fug Yourself) 

Charlize Theron’s look for The Long Shot premiere in the UK reminds me of her role as Ravenna in Snow White and The Huntsman. I loved her in that movie. But also I don’t think this was the right lip colour. (Cele|bitchy) 

We are 48 hours away from the Battle of Winterfell. And if you’re up for reading another theory – this one is pretty good, and it’s about what’s going to happen in THE CRYPTS! (Vulture)