Today is Ariana Grande’s 25th birthday. It’s a milestone birthday, a non-random birthday year. The f-cker of it is I can’t remember what I did on my 25th birthday. Which probably means it wasn’t special. WHYYYYY did I not have a special 25? I, like Ariana, was born on the 26th. Was I focusing more on my champagne birthday? No. Because I don’t f-cking remember that one either. And I LOVE my birthday. I’m a birthday whore. How did a birthday whore forget two important birthdays?
Anyway, Ariana is now not only 25 but she’s 25 and engaged, AS WE ALL KNOW, to Pete Davidson. Everything is a first for them because they only started dating A MONTH AGO. Of course this was documented on Instagram:
For some reason, that did not make me want to throw up, not even the “precious angel” part. I mean, yeah, that kind of language is gross – to me – but it’s also how I imagined them talking to each other. In no world, if I’m actually playing Ariana and Pete’s dialogue in my mind, do these two speak to each other in monotone and grey words. There is no monotone. And their speech font has sparkles dancing through all the letters.
Here’s another, because one birthday day wish isn’t enough. This time, there’s no “angel” but there is a “treasure”:
Again… not throwing up. Because the “treasure” is balanced by the “f-cking”. Like cutting the sweetness with some vinegar. OMG is that why they work?
