Imagine you work in an office with friendly vibes. You like your coworkers, you think some of them are cool and all of them are competent. Except for one person. It’s not that she’s bad at her job, she’s just a bad person for the collective: she takes credit for other people’s ideas, she sucks up to the boss, she is a one-upper and a braggart, she sends “urgent” emails (that aren’t urgent) at 4 pm on a long weekend Friday, she never makes a fresh pot of coffee after draining the last cup, and she watches Instagram Reels on full volume without headphones.

Now imagine your work is having an annual party and it’s usually a good time. Everyone is really excited to go and planning who to sit with and the car share configuration and coordinating outfits and it’s going to be fun! It’s going to be a great night! And then the worst coworker sticks her nose in it, claws her way onto that party planning committee, and now you still have to go but are looking forward to it much less than in years prior.

Your coworker is Lauren Sanchez.

The Bezos's bought their tacky asses a ticket to the MET Gala and Lauren is getting second-day coverage because she’s a second-tier guest. She might have paid her way to get in but I can dress up as a doctor for Halloween, that doesn’t mean I can perform surgery.

First let’s start with the dress. All respect to Schiaparelli (I love the work this house does) but the woman is incapable of doing anything interesting with fashion. What could be a notable analysis of the dress is that it is a reference to Portrait of Madame X, a painting of Virginie Amélie Avegno Gautreau that was considered overtly sexual at the time. Gautreau was a scandalous subject, with a reputation for extramarital affairs, social climbing and being a cunning socialite. Now THAT would be an interesting thread to pull on, if Lauren did anything with it. Or if Vogue did an actual analysis of how Gautreau’s reputation parallels Lauren’s. Instead, Vogue wrote a gushing story about her prep and it is as sycophantic as you’d expect.

Since the inspiration fell flat, all that’s left is the aesthetic. Her essence transforms a  couture gown into one that’s barely worthy of “off the rack” at a discount outlet. It’s not that this emperor has no clothes – she has ALL the clothes. She was styled by Law Roach. It’s an issue of depth. Her looks are the fashion equivalent of “the lights are on but no one’s home.”

Consider Claire Foy, who also wore a Portrait of Madame X-inspired gown by Erdem in collaboration with Barbour. The dress is waxed. Look at this!!! (And read the details in Vogue, here.)

The Met Gala has never been anything but a display of opulence, but there’s a difference between ostentatiousness and greed and that line was erased this year. And for what? Why sponsor a high-profile event like the Met Gala, which already has a huge machine behind it? They have billions of dollars to donate to literally any other cause – homelessness, food instability, education, health care research, environmental causes, art programs… there’s no limit. And they chose a social event that is already saturated with donors and attention.

Maybe they are making a play for Vogue (which will absolutely destroy it) and they obviously have the money to buy Condé Nast outright. But beneath it is their never-ending wish to not just be seen with celebrities, but to be seen as celebrities. They can spend every last dollar in Jeff’s cursed bank account and they will still be the least compelling people at the party. Worse still, they aren’t even good at being obscenely wealthy.

This tweet got me thinking about how much social capital has changed: people in the upper echelons of society used to fight to keep the social climbers out, and now the billionaires are chasing the shiniest people. Lauren is running as fast as she can in her peep-toe platform pump but all she’s got to show for it is photos that are serving “forced proximity.” 

 Lauren Sanchez Bezos is seen at Metropolitan Museum of Art with Anna Wintour and Nicole Kidman on May 05, 2026 in New York City

Photo credits: TheStewartOfNY/INSTARimages, David Fisher/Shutterstock

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