Rihanna exists nocturnally and isn't living in the same hot and humid season as the rest of us

One of the most consistent celebrity trends of the last twenty years is that Rihanna is a night owl and no amount of settling down or babies has changed that. Like if we ever find out that vampires are real, Keanu Reeves will not be my go-to evidence, it will be Rihanna and her night owl life.

Rihanna is still in New York, and last night she rolled up to her hotel—at night, wearing sunglasses, naturally—with the season’s hottest accessory: Burger King. Like actual Burger King, not a $10,000 handbag made to look like a Burger King wrapper. I know people get into the burger wars, but my strongest opinion is that it all tastes bad, but Big Mac sauce is good (In N Out sauce is better), but the Burger King crowns are fun. I would rather have a Burger King crown than a Happy Meal toy.

Speaking of hot accessories, not only does Rihanna exist nocturnally, she also isn’t living in the same season as the rest of us. It is hot and humid as hell across most of North America, yet here is Riri in full boots, a long(ish) skirt, and a jacket. This is how I would dress in autumn, not mid-July during a heat wave, but then, I am not Rihanna. The universe does not bend to me like it does to her. I don’t think she experiences temperature like the rest of us. Again, Exhibit A in the “vampires are real” case.

Never change, Rihanna, because my sense of temporal consistency depends on it!

What else happened today…

When I was a youth, young Hollywood was ruled by Ashton Kutcher and the That 70s Show crew (minus Topher Grace, who minded his business and aged better for it). It was gross and annoying, even back then. Today, though, young Hollywood is defined by people like Lexi Minetree, the breakout star of Legally Blonde prequel, Elle. She, along with her Elle co-stars Chandler Kinney and Gabrielle Policano, are adorable and wholesome in a way young Hollywood wasn’t in the naughtie aughties. There’s always room for some good trouble, but I will not pretend like the vibes of young Hollywood today aren’t a million times better than they were twenty years ago. (Popsugar)

I totally forgot Chloe Sevigny has a kid, Vanja. He went with her to the premiere of Five Star Weekend and stole the show, as children are wont to do. Also, of COURSE Chloe Sevigny has a super stylish kid. (Go Fug Yourself)

Margaret Qualley and Jack Antonoff are getting divorced, but they say it’s not about infidelity. Uh…sure. I don’t NOT believe that, but I also kinda don’t believe that, you know? Like maybe their marriage failed because they couldn’t get on the same page about how to load the dishwasher, but I also won’t be surprised to learn, someday, that there were extramarital shenanigans. But as of right now, the split is being attributed to “communication” and Jack Antonoff being “very particular about how he liked things”. So…it was the dishwasher’s fault? (Celebitchy)

The gig economy exists because the economy economy is broken, and generally, I do not begrudge gig workers their dollars. I think apps are exploitative and burrito taxis are bad in many ways, but people gotta make a buck. But I think I might draw the line at “line sitting”. It’s the practice of paying gig workers to stand in line for you to get tickets to the hot new show, or a table at a restaurant, or the slice of pizza everyone is raving about, and you just HAVE to try like, right now.

I know people gotta make a buck, but at the point that we can’t even stand in our own lines, we’re committing to being our worst selves. To go back to the advice the novelist Tom Robbins once gave me, stand in lines. Meet people. Encounter the masses. We’re better off when we do. (Eater)