My Chris Rankings never change. It always goes Pine, Hemsworth, Evans and, if I must, Pratt. Hemsworth and Evans may swap after the next Avengers and then again after the next Thor but Pine will always be on top. Always. I am a loyal person – sometimes to a fault. My allegiance to My Best Chris is probably preventing me from rolling my eyes at these photos of him using a FLIP PHONE to take photos of paparazzi while driving a Porsche 356 convertible Speedster. I don’t know what this car is. It looks nice, I guess, but if “uses flip phone and drives a Porsche” were on the dating profile of a guy on Tinder, I’d probably swipe right. Left? Which way do you swipe when you hate them? I have no idea. I’ve been in a relationship for six years. See? Loyal.
It just seems like a guy who uses a flip phone in 2018 is a guy who is just waiting to lecture you on the perils of our technological society and social media and selfies and blah blah blah, don’t tell me how to live my life! Chris and I are already fighting. Conversely, if I put my blinders back on, it’s kind of endearing. Chris Pine is the most private of all the Chrises. He’s not posting videos of his dog (and his girlfriend’s voice) on Twitter. He’s not starring in movies with his spouse. He hasn’t gone through a public breakup. He’s been seen with past girlfriends (remember Zoe Kravitz?) but he has never confirmed or denies if he’s dating. He is legitimately a private person. He’s most likely (definitely, maybe, not at all) the father of Mindy Kaling’s baby and they’ve barely been photographed together. Chris Pine keeps his sh-t locked. So, it makes sense that he’s got a flip phone and isn’t all about his Instagram account, right?
Chris and his flip phone were actually making headlines back in May when he was promoting Wonder Woman. He told GMA, “I recently got a record player and a flip phone, and I kind of like the simplifying down, I just like the simple, I just like the non-complicated, I don't want to be connected so much, I just like the...decrease in anxiety.'” Then, he gave this interview to Entertainment Tonight:
“I don’t want to come across as some righteous analog man.” This is what I’m saying. On paper, with the flip phone and the record player, he seems like a “righteous analog man” aka Pretentious Hipster D-Bag BUT when you hear him talk about it, he’s still as charming as ever. It’s like he’s a cute old man trapped in the body of The Hottest Chris.
He can T9 text me on that flip phone any day. No disrespect to his possible (not actual) baby mama Mindy Kaling.
Chris Pine is currently working on the miniseries One Day She'll Darken and if it looks like he’s got a black eye in these photos, The Daily Mail says it’s due to an incident on set.
Even with a busted face and a flip phone, he’s still doing it for me.
